The Rise and Fall of the Hostess Gift

Thinking back my Grandmother almost never arrived at any home without a posy of flowers cradled in her arms. She loved flowers, that was certainly true but looking back the reasons seem so much more complicated than that. It didn't matter if she had been invited for a cup of tea by a young Mum down the street or an elaborate meal with family or friends she always arrived with something. To walk in the door without contributing something to the hostesses home or event was, I suspect to her generation, primarily a silent admission that you had nothing to give. It was a point of pride as well as a genuine as well as a respectful acknowledgement of the hostesses effort to be able to walk in the door and hand over a little gift.

She was well and truly old enough to remember the depression years that she grew through as a child. A time when sometimes meal invitations were issued not only because you would like to spend time with a friend but also because you noticed that their children were loosing weight and your family had enough food to share this week. The thing is that just because the family being received may have been poor in the food sense, often there was some thing special they could share. It might have been some unusual flowers picked from the garden, an ability for wood carving or the type of artistic flair that can make the weeds picked up from the side of the road into a delightful posy. It was a way help even the scales of obligation even if you thought you were never going to be able to reciprocate in kind.

Maybe it was just that everyone got to the point of having enough money that inviting someone back to their place was always an option so they didn't feel the same need to balance the obligation. Or maybe it was the fact that most people no longer valued something unless it came from the store and the stores weren't open to buy things for most spur of the moment weekend visits. Regardless of how it happened, sometime during my parents lifetime, in Australia, the tradition of hostess gifts seemed to give a couple of coughs and die.

The thing is that something got lost in the shuffle. A formalised way to say thank you for the invitation and an acknowledgement of the efforts bore by the host to provide the venue. Sure everyone who is visiting often comment on the wonderful meal or company but very seldom do I hear people even in passing mention the invitation that led them to be sitting at the table, or sleeping under your roof.

Now none of us need people to make a fuss over such things but being thanked always makes any job feel happier and inconveniences just that little easier to tolerate. Maybe, just maybe we should bring the hostess gift back, not out of obligation but as a celebration.